you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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