i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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