If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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