I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
