I think i peed on brittanys purse
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i think i just lost a toe
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
