So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
