I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
two words...techno handjob
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
