Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
