I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
