I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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