I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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