when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
