Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
