Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
