Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize