I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
