there's paper in my vomit.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
