so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
