I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I AM VODKA MAN
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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