Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So much Jack, so little girl.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
