also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
