Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
