Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
