omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
