just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
