So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
