If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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