me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
