you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Boobs are out for the taking
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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