Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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