apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
