Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
