don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
