Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
