You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
