Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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