do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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