how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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