Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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