I hate all girls vehemently.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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