Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just cropdusted the office
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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