My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
