those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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