if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
