I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
