i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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