This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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