**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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