i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize