he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
