for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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