If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
