Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize