its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize