Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
