i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
