Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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