all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
