i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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