I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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