I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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