its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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