RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
