You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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