He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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