I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
