You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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