508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Randomize
