I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
